so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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