Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
