Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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