I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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