Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
