I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
