So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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