ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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