I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
