You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
