i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize