I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
