I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
