meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
