tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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