remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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