Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
