so explain again why im purple
no
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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