Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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