I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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