Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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