ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
