Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize