God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize