Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I lost the right to judge tonight
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