Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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