I didn't shave. On purpose
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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