i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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