Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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