fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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