Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
