the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
