Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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