is your mom at the bar?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.