Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long

(1-414): View more from Wisconsin

aren't you going with children?

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(414): can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long (1-414): aren't you going with children? http://tfl.nu/9f28

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(303): View more from Colorado

maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."

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(303): maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..." http://tfl.nu/5h2o

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.

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(412): Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet. http://tfl.nu/977n

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(630): View more from Illinois

She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce

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(630): She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce http://tfl.nu/xuim

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(917): View more from New York City

And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.

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(917): And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating. http://tfl.nu/qged

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(205): View more from Alabama

That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".

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(205): That's why they call him "the cheesegrater". http://tfl.nu/ctav

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(516): View more from New York

That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it

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(516): That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it http://tfl.nu/ocmo

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...

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(978): you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool... http://tfl.nu/os9w

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(916): View more from California

you want your laptop back?

(1-916): View more from California

are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?

(916): View more from California

both.

(1-916): View more from California

come over.

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(916): you want your laptop back? (1-916): are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex? (916): both. (1-916): come over. http://tfl.nu/ikpf

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.

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(570): He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall. http://tfl.nu/bycp

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(312): View more from Illinois

I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.

(224): View more from Illinois

Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.

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(312): I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks. (224): Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however. http://tfl.nu/lo15

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(973): View more from New Jersey

That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.

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(973): That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that. http://tfl.nu/drll

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(563): View more from Iowa

Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE

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(563): Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE http://tfl.nu/qgoo

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(530): View more from California

I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.

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(530): I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone. http://tfl.nu/lhn9

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(650): View more from California

He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.

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(650): He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse. http://tfl.nu/0nh4

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