You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway