I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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