a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
