I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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