Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
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Do I have a choice?
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DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i out mim tonsoeep
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