im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
