we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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