remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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