do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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