sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
