Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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