She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize