meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
nutella sex= disaster
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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