I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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