i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
