At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
