Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
