I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
