Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize