a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
