Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
