he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
