That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
