I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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