I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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