like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
