I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
