can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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